I think I died a long time ago.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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