she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If that was your dad, he is hot
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
