They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
