i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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