Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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