Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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