she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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