Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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