whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
