So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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