Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
