You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
