PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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