i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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