guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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