I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
