so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
