I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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