when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
