pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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