3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
