i permit you to call me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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