is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
