is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
