I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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