Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
