listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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