Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
