I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
