Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
