did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
