Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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