talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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