I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
