As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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