please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
