You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
