and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
