Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
BRING THE BAGELS
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have fence marks all over my body
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
