...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This house was built for laser tag.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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