I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
