i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
