You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
