i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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