i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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