dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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