I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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