I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
