If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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