so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
