Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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