is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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