So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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