Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
