allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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