At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
